When Growth Triggers (and why that doesn’t make you wrong)

This is a topic that have come up a lot lately, for myself, and when talking to other people in my circle who is living the entrepreneurial life. It’s a tiny little tension many of us experience, but rarely talk about. And this is not only happening to entrepreneurs, but to people from all kinds of backgrounds.

We experience ups and downs. And as humans, as social beings, we love to share, especially when we experience the positive things in life.

Maybe you have experienced this scenario yourself; You share about getting closer towards your goals. You share an accomplishment. You speak about something you’ve created or had success with. You share momentum, money flowing, positive happenings in your life. You are genuinely happy, and just eager to share the feeling with people you love and trust. Not from a place of bragging, but from a place of feeling safe enough to share something important to you.

And suddenly, the room feels a little bit different. Not hostile, and definitely not unsupportive. The energy just feels a bit heavier. Faces are looking stiff. You are so happy about things finally going your way, and you know that they’re happy for you too. But at the same time you sense something deep down. Something unspoken has entered the room, and it makes you feel uneasy.

And maybe you recognize yourself on the other side of this dynamic – feeling small, behind, or very quietly jealous. There’s no doubt you are happy for this person, but deep down, you feel a slight sting of an unpleasant feeling. Of not being where you want. Of feeling left behind. And this feeling is messing with your head, because you know you’re not a bad person, so why are you having these feelings of jealousy?

The thing is, feeling jealous doesn’t mean you’re failing. Or that you’re not being good enough. Or that you’re lacking something. It means you’re aware of something you want. It means you know where you want to go. And where you don’t want to be.

When someone is in motion, in drive, creating, risking, trusting themselves – they carry an energy of expansion. When someone else is longing for change but feel stuck, that expansion can feel confronting. Not because success is wrong, but because it mirrors a gap between where they are, and where they wish they were brave enough to be.

That gap is what’s hurting, and it is not personal.

What we need to remember is that our nervous system is ancient. We are actually programmed to be chasing safety and belonging. Being in a mutual position. Because this is what once kept us alive.

When somebody, and especially someone close to you, someone in your “pack”, moves ahead of you – this feels like a risk. It feels like you’re being left behind. But in reality, we can’t be fully happy for others because being happy would require us to fully face our own longing. And to face our own longing we need to feel safe enough to explore that.

With these unspoken feelings entering a space, you, who are sharing your positives, feel a need to explain yourself. Maybe you feel like you need to downplay. Maybe tone down your excitement. And this is where things go a little sour.

This part is uncomfortable, but very important. You did not create someone else’s sadness by succeeding. You did not take something from them by moving forward. And on the other side – their success did not take anything from you. Their fast forward in life is not going to slow down your path. You are not falling behind, you’re just in a different moment, in a different momentum.

So remember – you are allowed to succeed. You are allowed to let ideas and opportunities move toward you. And you are allowed to feel irritated when your expansion meets unprocessed longing. You are allowed to be in a slower pace of life. You are also allowed to feel triggered or jealous when someone else’s life seems to open up in ways you’re still waiting for.

None of this makes anyone wrong. Growth shows the contrast, and that contrast fires up some feelings. The feelings are not failures. They are important information.

What matters the most is how we meet those feelings – on both sides. Do we meet the other person with irritation because their not able to enjoy our wins? Do we hold back celebration because we feel jealous?

No. We show understanding. We show compassion. Both to ourselves and others.

We don’t need to dim our light to stay connected. And we don’t need others to slow down for us to feel worthy.

We need more spaces where both expansion and longing can exist without judgment. Where success isn’t frowned upon, and jealousy isn’t demonized. Where we allow growth to be what it is — sometimes joyful, sometimes confronting, sometimes fast, sometimes slow. But always human.